I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
