We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
