get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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