There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
