My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
we're making bets on your personal life
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
