Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
