Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
