i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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