i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
