wat bout pragnant strippers??
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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