i already hear my dad disowning me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
