those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
