I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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