He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
