By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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