weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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