I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
