Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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