I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
