My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
