# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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