If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am naked and annoyed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
