if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
