Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
