You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
