I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
