i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
