none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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