Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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