Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
do nipples grow back?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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