what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
