i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
smell my finger.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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