Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
