Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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