What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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