I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
