I CAN MOONWALK!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
