i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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