Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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