So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Your penis caused this!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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