i think i have herpe
just one?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Randomize
