Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
