wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
