i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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