The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
