Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
