we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
