I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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