i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
