he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
